CW/TW: non-descriptive mentions of childhood sexual abuse, mental illness; anxiety & depression, ptsd
I’m Marah Noemi, a 25-year-old Brown woman passionate about changing socialized perceptions of any kind. I am an English Bulldog mama to Archie! My partner is a musician and he’s hot. I enjoy papaya smoothies, reading, crime documentaries, thrift shopping, eating good food. I am transparent about my mental health struggles and my need for meds (the diagnosis is anxiety, depression, and ptsd, for those wondering). My Spotify runs pretty close to 24 hours a day. I have a thing for traveling and I’m privileged enough to do it often. I’ll never turn down French toast or a margarita.
So what does it mean to want to change socialized perceptions? I challenge people to think about what they believe, why they believe it, when or what triggered the why, and so on. Even when I agree with a stance (and even more so when I don’t), I challenge it. I hold a BA in Sociology with a concentration in social issues, deviance, and crime, so from a sociological standpoint I may already have an idea of the reasoning behind a certain position. But, I want the individual to process where that belief originated from. I want to challenge people to think of their personal beliefs as fluid, versus permanent and non-negotiable. This is uncomfortable for many because it comes with the realization our life is too flexible, too close to change––and change is unfamiliar.
About that hot musician…I have recently found love again and I am so elated to feel things I never felt before, like peace and trust. I’m laughing once more, and focusing on myself. He encourages my liberation without manipulation. See, something I strongly believe is this: two individuals in a relationship are not in need of fulfilling each other. Instead, lovers should complement one another. I don’t want to give pieces of myself away, and luckily I have someone who doesn’t feel the need to take. We’re just each other. And together. There is always room and need for improvement, but it’s happening organically and that’s important to me. Demands and sacrifices do not come from a places of love, but fear and insecurity. Organic shifts and compromises come from a place of free-will. With him, I remain whole. I’ve never experienced something like this and it’s a beautiful thing. It truly is.
Currently on a journey to tying loose ends, beginning new chapters, healing, loving, and finding myself. I have a heart and psyche that has long been troubled by childhood sexual abuse. I recently (more like over the last couple of years) reached a point in my life where I can no longer stay silent, and for my sake, am opening up about my path to self-love and freedom. If it helps someone along the way, I am more than happy.
Obviously, I want to write about deeply personal and sociological nerdy stuff, nonetheless I also intend on blogging about many light-hearted subjects that bring me joy.
If you decide to stick around and join me, here are some things I will blogging about:
- womanhood and sisterhood
- my personal journey to liberation
- my story and struggles surrounding my childhood sexual abuse
- mental health struggles that developed at a young age due to my sexual abuse
- how csa and mental health affect my relationships
- reclaiming my femininity and sexuality
- therapy/treatment sessions (past experience, thoughts, future plans, etc)
- self-care and self-love ❤
- book/film/documentary recommendations and reviews
- issues pertaining to sociology (especially #xicanx issues, intersectional feminism, racism, unlearning problematic beliefs, etcetera)
- my wonderful relationship with my mom
- toxic romantic relationships
- my struggles with forgiveness
- rebuilding relationships
- traveling and other fun stuff
I hope you follow along and get to know me a little bit better.