My lovely, badass, take-no-shit women,
Go places, chase after your dreams, achieve great things, and do not look back.
I remember when I was attending community college I was still undecided about a major. I kept flip-flopping between criminal justice and sociology, then history, then art history, and anyway, you get the point.
When considering criminal justice my mom and I were conversing about the career I was considering with that major: homicide detective. She was excited, but her main concern was always centered around the amount of time my career would take me away from my future children.
I didn’t even want kids yet and she was basically saying, “WOAH, remember you have to be a mom.”
“Women have been taught that, for us, the earth is flat, and that if we venture out, we will fall off the edge.” — Andrea Dworkin
There’s this idea that we can’t do anything for too long, we can’t go too far, we can’t be too devoted–we must keep in mind that eventually, we will have to come back and become mothers. It’s a load of bullshit. We are socialized to think our first and foremost greatest accomplishment will be becoming a wife and mother.
Okay. Great. I want kids. BUT WHAT IF I ALSO WANT A CAREER? What if my greatest accomplishment is college and not marriage?
Man. Especially as a Mexicana, I am taught to center all and any of my shit around pleasing my man. But him? He’s not taught the same. NOPE.
“We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, you can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful. Otherwise, you would threaten the man. Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same? We raise girls to see each other as competitors not for jobs or accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are.” — Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
I love my man. I really do. I’m glad we’ve been together as long as we have. But I am not his maid, I am not his keeper, I am not his submissive. He knows very well the day we are no longer on equal ground, I AM OUT. He also knows very well I don’t want kids right now. I’m aiming for 30 and THAT IS OKAY. That is what works for me, for us.
I am not selfish for deciding to wait. I am not terrible for prioritizing my wants and letting him know that if he wants kids right now then I am not the one. I am not any less of a woman for choosing building career over having kids.
I love when women make their own choices.
If you want kids, I salute you, I stand with you.
If you want to wait, I salute you, I stand with you.
If you don’t want them at all, I salute you, I stand with you.
I do think that we are capable of doing whatever we want. With or without a man. With or without children. We should unlearn the belief we can’t dream too big. We are so strong and incredibly smart and we can not allow this patriarchal society to give us boundaries it has never given men.